Torah · Halacha YomitLaws of Shabbat Preparations - Part 3Rabbi Uri Nahum · June 2, 2014 · Shabbat Preparations 3-15Play+30Position0:00—Save⌄ShareA Shabbat halacha class with Rabbi Uri Nahum.Recorded by BSD Productions.Transcript0:00Welcome everybody to another segment of Halacha with the Rabbi. The Rabbi will be0:07talking about Kabbalat Shabbat, continuing on the halachot of Kabbalat Shabbat.0:13So if anybody wants to call in with questions, the number is 718-683-5858. Or to text in your questions,0:19you can call0:24347-927-8398. Shabbat shalom, Rabbi. Thank you, Rabbi David. Okay, we'll begin. We'll continue our shiur.0:28This is the Halacha Hour, and we are learning off the Ben Ish Chai, the halachot of Kabbalat Shabbat, and really we're almost by Kabbalat Shabbat.0:35Really,0:37right before Kabbalat Shabbat, we're still preparing for Shabbat Kodesh. We're in Parashat Lech Lecha,0:42halacha yud-tet, in the second year of the Ben Ish Chai, and where we use the Ben0:46Ish Chai, like we said in the beginning, as a base to go through the different halachot. Last week, this is a continuation.0:53This is already the third class on Parashat Lech Lecha. Hopefully we'll finish it today and continue,0:58b'ezrat Hashem, Parashat Vayera, which is actually the halachot of Kabbalat Shabbat itself. And1:05I just want to comment a little bit of a review from last week. Last week we spoke about preparing oneself, and1:13especially what to wear for Shabbat. We mentioned wearing different garments, and I just want to highlight it again1:17if it wasn't clear, not just last night but last week, is that a person who is wearing1:23white on Shabbat—it's brought down that a person should wear white, and there's different1:27kavanot—but we mentioned that a person should be careful not to stick out and shouldn't look weird, and1:32therefore it's good enough even al pi Kabbalah. If a person wears1:37four garments that are white, and the four garments correspond to the four letters of the Shem Hashem,1:45Yud-Kei-Vav-Kei, and each garment corresponds to a different letter. In fact, the Arizal himself—this I did not point out last week—the Arizal1:51himself, it's brought down by his students that he used to wear,1:55sometimes when it gets very cold, he would wear something under his clothing which kept him warm.1:59I don't know if it was exactly a scarf or something else, but it was not the color white. And2:05the students point out that as long as you have the four garments, that's good enough.2:08So therefore, you could still accomplish that, men or women, by wearing something white without looking weird.2:14Like we mentioned, the undergarments are white, you see tzitzit is white, a white shirt, a white tie.2:21Already you've done it. You've accomplished it. You've wore four garments that are white, and2:26that's very, very normal and accepted in dress in our circles. We're up to now2:32Halacha Yud Tet. Halacha Yud Tet, we're not going to spend much time on it.2:35It's much more complicated than just a simple thing over here. Halacha Yud Tet talks about making an eruv on2:42Friday in preparation for Shabbat. This is one of the things that the Arizal—I mean, excuse me—the Ben Ish Chai points out,2:47that a person has to be careful in preparing himself for Shabbat. If you share a yard, if you share any area with another Jew,2:54so the halacha, meaning to say, you each have your own separate incomes,2:59and in most cases you'd have to probably make an eruv chatzerot, which means the3:06Chachamim were gozer. Chachamim decreed that any time two Jews are sharing an area on Shabbat,3:11that area3:13needs an eruv chatzerot, and3:15the details exactly how to make it and is it required or not required, that is way, way too3:23complicated for this class over here and needs its own discussion by itself. Hopefully, hopefully, we'll have one time,3:29maybe we'll talk about it.3:30But in any case, a person should check with his rabbi in any shul that you pray if where you live3:37you need eruv chatzerot. But just to point out, if you do need3:41eruv chatzerot, so over here he brings down that the minhag of the Arizal was that every Friday3:46he would make sure to do the eruv chatzerot. He himself, however, says we would make our3:50eruv chatzerot, says the3:54Ben Ish Chai, אנחנו עושים עירוב זה משנה לשנה במוצאי שבת לחג המצות. We wouldn't do it every single Friday.3:57We would do it, says Ben Ish Chai, once a year, because the idea of an eruv is—4:02Basically, you have a se'udah, which you and your4:06neighbor or whoever is with you, your tenant, your landlord, you're sharing a4:11meal. So therefore, since you're partners with the meal, you also become partners as well4:15with this courtyard or whatever area that you're sharing together. Now,4:19this is very, very common in places where it's a two-house apartment. Many houses in our neighborhood that have two-house apartments.4:26Apartment buildings is a little bit more complicated. You really have to check with your rabbi4:30exactly what to do, if you're allowed to carry in those areas or not. Sometimes yes, sometimes not. It's not so simple.4:36There's a lot of different opinions, Chazon Ish, Rav Moshe Feinstein, and different explanations exactly4:42what is considered a4:46shtei reshuyot or one reshut, meaning to say one area or two areas. In any case, if you do have to make it,4:51it's sufficient. You could do it even once a year, as long as the meal that you're providing for the4:57eruv remains throughout the year, and that could be accomplished by making eruv chatzerot with a box of matzot,5:03because the matzah, we know, it stays, I don't want to say5:06fresh, but it doesn't spoil throughout the whole year, and sometimes a few years even it could remain with you.5:11So therefore, that was the minhag of the5:14Ben Ish Chai, who would make eruv chatzerot with matzot, as well as the minhag of many people today. When they make5:18eruv chatzerot, they should make with matzot. Again, I stress that if a person5:22lives or shares any part of his house with a neighbor, a Jewish neighbor, even a non-Jew sometimes,5:29you have to go to your local rabbi and ask5:32what to do if you have not done eruv chatzerot, and also check with your neighbor, because sometimes you don't know. In these5:38halachot, you could make eruv on behalf of your neighbor without his knowledge, and5:42that could work, and you have to know if your neighbor is religious or not religious, meaning to say, is he shomer Shabbat?5:47Does he keep Shabbat, or does he desecrate Shabbat in public?5:50So again, it makes a difference.5:53I'm just highlighting certain points that a person should go ahead and take it5:57further. You got to do your own homework and continue, and to see what should be done. Next6:02halacha, we'll go jump to6:05halacha chaf. Doing melachot on Fridays. This is a halacha that's brought down in Shulchan Aruch.6:10Doing melachot over here, melachot that we speak about besides the 39, not just the 39 melachot that we're talking about6:18on Shabbat, but melachot that are forbidden Erev Shabbat.6:22These are melachot that will be extended, meaning to say they will not free you.6:27You could get carried away with the melacha that you won't be able to be ready on Shabbat.6:31So this is a halacha that's brought down as follows: Asur la'asot melacha b'Erev Shabbat6:36mizman Mincha ketanah u'ma'alah. It's forbidden for a person to do melacha on Friday6:40beginning from the time of Mincha ketanah. What does it mean,6:44Mincha ketanah? If there's small, there's got to be big, right, in comparison. There's Mincha ketanah and there's6:52Mincha gedolah. Mincha gedolah means that the earlier time to pray Mincha, which is the earliest time, which is usually about a half an hour after6:59chatzot hayom, okay, that is called7:02Mincha gedolah. Why is it called gedolah? Because you have longer time to pray that Mincha. That's why it's called7:09gedolah. There's another time on the zman, on the daily7:15zemanim, and that's called Mincha ketanah. Mincha ketanah means the later time to pray Mincha, which is, according to7:21halacha, it's nine and a half hours from the morning, and7:25that's a little bit too complicated to really explain because it really depends on the day. In the summer it will be a little bit later.7:30Obviously in the winter it will be a little earlier. In any case, the halacha says that on Friday afternoon,7:35a person is forbidden to do melachot on Erev Shabbat from the time Mincha ketanah onwards.7:42Even though there are opinions that say, because the Gemara says you're not allowed to do melacha beginning Erev Shabbat, which is7:50Mincha—excuse me—you're not allowed to do melacha on Erev Shabbat at Mincha time.7:53Some hold it even goes from Mincha gedolah. In any case, says the7:56Bein Ish Chai, halacha is k'divrei ha'mekal b'divrei soferim. Since the whole—8:00Issur is only8:02derabanan. It's a decree that's rabbinical.8:04The rule is8:05safek derabanan lekula. Some opinions say that8:08minhag that hachachamim refer to8:11is minhag gedolah, and some say it's minhag ketanah. We say8:12safek derabanan lekula. We can be lenient,8:14and therefore if a person needs to do8:15melacha on Friday afternoon, you could do it8:18up till8:19minhag ketanah. Now, what kind of8:21melacha are we talking about?8:21What does it mean,8:25melacha? Melacha, like we explained, it's the—let's understand the reason first.8:27The reason for forbidding this8:30melacha on Friday afternoon8:32is that a person should have8:34ample time, enough time,8:35that he should prepare himself for Shabbat.8:37Imagine a person is busy building,8:39and he's building, he's building till a moment before Shabbat.8:42When are you going to prepare yourself for Shabbat?8:44Now, nobody plans to work8:46till last second. We all know.8:48We all prepare ourselves.8:49We all say we're going to just have another five more minutes,8:51but the yetzer hara knows much better than us,8:53and therefore we begin a8:55melacha and we get lost in it, and then we,8:57all of a sudden, without realizing,8:59all of a sudden we're right before9:01sheki'ah, and sometimes, lo aleinu, we could even go into9:03sheki'ah. So the hachamim said, stop. You have to make a fence9:06erev Shabbat on Friday afternoon9:08when it comes to9:10minhag ketanah. That's it. No more9:12melacha. No more five minutes.9:13But even though I have enough time, I have about an hour and a half left9:18until—two and a half hours left, excuse9:19me—until I could go, I could get ready for9:20Shabbat, it doesn't make a difference. You have to stop here,9:22because we know how you could get lost.9:25However, which melacha is forbidden?9:27That's only regular, real9:29melacha, like building, sewing,9:31things that9:33you could get carried away with it.9:34But9:36pragmatia muteret. Regular buying and selling, which is most of our jobs today,9:39just buying and selling,9:41that is9:42mutar. Even though it says,9:44even though there's Acharonim who say even regular business9:47dealings—you have a store,9:48technically you could still have your store open9:51and buy and sell after this9:58time—still. Most of the places are,10:00he's telling you that there are no heker to be matir,10:01and you see till today many people close their shops very late.10:04As a side point,10:06let me explain what I mean over here.10:08You know,10:09even though it's10:10mutar, you just should know that even though10:13things are10:16mutar according to halacha, sometimes you have to see yourself10:19if your schedule allows you to keep10:22the halacha or not. Keep the idea in mind,10:23hachamim made a10:25gezeirah. And like we said many times in the rules of the gezeirot of the10:28hachamim, decrees of the10:30hachamim, they make a decree10:31and they have to make it across the board10:34and hopefully to accommodate as much people as possible.10:36Will there be exceptions?10:38Will it be that sometimes10:40the decree10:40will not be able to affect everybody?10:43Yeah, it's true that sometimes there will be exceptions,10:44but the hachamim made a10:45gezeirah. They try to be able to accommodate as many people as possible.10:48In this case, hachamim wanted to make sure10:51that you are ready for Shabbat.10:53So now they figured10:54if you do10:56melacha, like writing a sefer Torah,10:58or writing—back then writing was considered a skill11:00that not everybody11:01had—you could be hired as a11:03sofer not just to write a sefer Torah,11:04but just to write letters.11:06So if somebody comes to you11:07and you're allowed to do melacha up11:09till shkia, somebody comes to you and says,11:10Can you do me a favor? Can you write me a11:12letter? You know, and he pays you for it.11:13So now he's sitting there writing a letter,11:14giving a haircut, all these other things.11:16All of a sudden you get carried away,11:18and right before shkia you're already by Shabbat,11:20you don't have time to prepare yourself for Shabbat.11:22So they said, okay, that's asur.11:23But when it comes to the regular buying and selling,11:25how long does it take? You got to buy and sell,11:27right? Five seconds, ten seconds. He wants the item,11:29and he gives you the money, you give him the item,11:31and it's over.11:32But today we know that, unfortunately,11:35a person, even though he could go in accordance with11:38the halacha, he could lose the whole purpose, the point of11:40the halacha. The point of the halacha was that you should have enough time11:43to prepare yourself for Shabbat.11:44Lo aleinu, today, especially if you work far from your home11:47and you have to travel through a highway,11:49Friday afternoon rush hour,11:51it's always during rush hour.11:53No matter when it is, when you leave Friday afternoon,11:55it's going to be rush hour.11:56And a lot of times people get stuck on the road11:58and then they have to come a few seconds before Shabbat.12:00And sometimes you could see in the shul,12:01you could see who came early to prepare himself for Shabbat12:04and who didn't.12:05People who normally shave on a daily basis12:08or twice a week, three times a week,12:09you see, and they come in Shabbat not12:11shaven. Why? I came home late. I had to rush.12:13What happened? Well, I got this and that and that.12:16According to halacha, really, did the guy do anything wrong?12:18No.12:19But at the same time, a person has,12:21you know, like we're going to see12:23the poskim say,12:24mochin b'rosho. He has to be smart a little bit.12:27Eizehu chacham? הרואה את הנולד. You should know, you should know yourself.12:31How much time do you need to prepare for Shabbat?12:34How long do you need to travel?12:35You have to take,12:36you have to consider,12:37what if there's traffic on the road?12:40How many people take into consideration12:42when they have to travel to the airport,12:44how many hours you have to be12:45earlier before, how much you have to come beforehand to the airport?12:48Why? Because you have to have enough time12:50to board on the plane.12:51I don't want to miss my airplane.12:52I don't want to miss my flight.12:53And what do you mean?12:54Who says there's going to be traffic at 512:56a.m.? Just in case there's traffic, you don't want to hit traffic.12:59Chavah chomer, every Shabbat we have to prepare.13:01Hashem is coming over.13:02We have to have come home in time,13:04have kids in the house have to shower,13:06have other people in the house that are going to use the shower.13:08How many showers do you have in the house?13:09And you need enough time for you to prepare yourself13:12for Shabbat, men, women,13:14whatever that time that you figure it out,13:16you have to give that time and a little bit more13:19so you should prepare yourself.13:19So although we have certain13:22halachot that we have to keep or not,13:23meaning to say we're allowed to buy and sell,13:26all these things, but at the same time, like we said,13:27a person should make sure that—13:31He should give himself enough time13:33to prepare himself for Shabbat.13:35That's the purpose of the13:37gezeirah. So even though things are13:38mutar, sometimes you have to forbid it on yourself.13:40You have to close your store13:42three hours a little bit earlier sometimes13:44because you know that for you to get home13:46and to be ready for Shabbat, you need three hours.13:49So you have to custom make your own schedule13:51and keep in mind13:55what the chachamim had in mind.13:57You need time to prepare yourself for Shabbat.13:58But again, there's certain things that14:00even though you're giving yourself enough time,14:02once chachamim made a gezeirah, you still have to keep,14:04and that is like we said over here:14:06melachot must stop by14:10mincha ketanah, okay? Mincha ketanah, like we said,14:13is going to change every week,14:14so you have to make sure you14:17don't do any melachot by then.14:18That includes sewing, stitching, whatever it is. However,14:21one thing14:24is an exception,14:26and that is14:27to do any14:32melachah l'tzorech haShabbat is mutar. Let's say14:33you're getting dressed on Friday afternoon.14:35It's about 20 minutes before Shabbat,14:37certainly past14:39mincha ketanah, and then you realize that your button is missing.14:41It's a little bit loose.14:42It's going to come off on Shabbat.14:43It's not going to look14:44mechubad. It's not going to be respectful14:46that you should walk in with a suit14:48that's missing a button here and a button there.14:50It's not mechubad. It doesn't make a difference who you are.14:52Kavachomer, if you're a ben Torah,14:54and, you know, the Gemara says14:55a ben Torah's clothing has to reflect the Torah14:58that he learns,15:00and therefore he has to look very presentable,15:02and you see that your button is off,15:05so you could stitch it.15:07Ah, sewing—you just told me15:08sewing and stitching, that's asur,15:10that's a15:11melachah. And the answer is, being that15:13it's a melachah for the sake of Shabbat,15:15it's mutar. It's the same thing15:17if a person comes to shul and he's checking the Sefer Torah15:19that the tzibbur is going to read on Shabbat,15:21and he sees that there's a few letters that need correction.15:24Also, even though it's a15:25melachah, he might have to write some letters,15:27whatever it is, it's mutar.15:29There you have two reasons.15:30Number one is l'tzorech haShabbat,15:32and this, by the way, applies also on Yom Tov,15:34and it's also l'tzorech mitzvah.15:37In these cases, it's mutar.15:38Other exceptions to the rule of not doing melachah on Erev Shabbat,15:41it's brought down,15:42is if a person needs to write a15:44chiddush. Let's say he gets an idea right before Shabbat.15:46He's reading through a book and he gets an idea,15:47a beautiful chiddush that he wants to write down.15:49That's also mutar,15:50even though it's not for the sake of Shabbat.15:51You just want to write down a chiddush that you shouldn't forget it.15:54That's also mutar.15:55As a general rule, if you look in— The halachot of Chol Hamoed, and you.16:00See what the melachot that are mutar on moed, kavachomer kedul also on Friday afternoon, even past the time of mincha ketanah.16:08Okay, let's go now to Halacha chaf16:12alef, and this is also an important halacha. We mentioned it once in the past.16:16This will follow the same theme that we just mentioned a few minutes ago with the last halacha,16:21meaning, we said that if a person, that there's gezeirot that the chachamim make for a reason,16:28and there's things that even though you might say, you know, it doesn't apply to me, but still the chachamim made a gezeirah and they made16:35the gezeirah. Sometimes, even though you're part of the exception where it's mutar for you to do what the chachamim, you know, did not include in the16:41gezeirah, but you got to be careful that you shouldn't lose the purpose of the gezeirah, try to, like, circumvent the16:47gezeirah. The next halacha talks about having big meals on Fridays,16:53and these big meals, obviously, it's very, very simple. Why can't you have a big meal on16:57Friday? Because we want you to come into Shabbat with an appetite.17:00Whenever you're full, we mentioned in the past, when a person is full, nothing tastes good.17:05You really have to impress him.17:06Like the Gemara says, there's always room for dessert. Dessert always tastes delicious, no matter what.17:11So no matter how full you are, you'll have room for dessert.17:13But if you're full already, you can't eat so much. You can't eat with an appetite for sure.17:17Food will not be tasting good,17:18and you need to have oneg Shabbat. You need to save that pleasure for Shabbat itself.17:23So therefore, on Fridays, chachamim made a gezeirah, you can't have big meals.17:27Now, when are you going to have a big meal?17:29So here it says,17:33What's called a big meal?17:35Any meal that you're not accustomed to having during the weekday, you're not allowed to have it on Friday,17:40even from the morning. What does that mean?17:44If you usually have every day a bagel and cream cheese or bagel and tuna, whatever it is,17:49but you have a regular sandwich for breakfast.17:51That's a normal17:53seudah. To have that on Friday morning, that's not a problem,17:56because it's a normal17:58seudah. But a big seudah, to have a big meal, many breads, many things, and a big lavish meal, that's forbidden.18:06However, this is only true18:09b'seudat ha'reshut, which means a regular meal.18:15Or even in a seudat mitzvah, unless ein zmanah muchrach, or even in a seudat mitzvah, meaning to say like a brit milah, pidyon haben, or anything that doesn't have to be at that moment, at that time.18:26Anyway, you could have had the meal after Shabbat.18:27Why are you making the seudah now,18:29even though it's a seudat mitzvah?18:31For example, you made a siyum,18:33and the Gemara says that when you make a siyum, you should make a big18:39seudah. Why not?18:40Baruch Hashem, it's a big accomplishment.18:42To make it on Friday, and not just to be mesayem, but to make a big seudah for the siyum on Friday,18:49even though it's a seudat mitzvah, but you could have had it later on.18:52It doesn't have to be right then.18:54So therefore, it should be pushed off, preferably pushed off to a different time.18:58You shouldn't have it on Friday, even from the morning.19:01However, it's a seudat mitzvah that cannot be done at a different time.19:04For example,19:06brit milah. Torah says,19:09on the eighth day you have to do19:11brit milah. That's a mitzvah.19:11The right to have a brit milah, to have the bris on the eighth day.19:15You can't push it off to another day.19:16So therefore, you could have a bris on Fridays.19:18In fact, I don't remember my bris, but my bris was on Friday, as well as all my three boys were also on Fridays.19:25That's why, because that's a seudat mitzvah.19:28You cannot push off the mitzvah to a different day.19:31So therefore, we have it on Fridays.19:33Other things, like we said, if you could, you have to push it off.19:36Now, that is a big19:38seudah. Fine.19:39What about19:41mihu? A regular19:42seudah, so sounds like a regular19:44seudah is not a problem.19:45Still, a person has to be careful19:48from sha'ah asirit.19:49Sha'ah asirit is the half an hour after Mincha Ketanah begins,19:52and a person has to be careful from then not to have a seudah with bread.19:57Why?19:57Because the time, in that case, then you're going to have an issue with coming into Shabbat full,20:05and you're not going to be able to eat the Friday night meal with an appetite.20:09And that's where we get to20:10Halacha Chaf-Bet. That's exactly the next20:20halacha. Seudah sheregil ba bimei hachol, dehainu seudat ketanah she'en haishim mistem u'taman hadin ochla kol hayom, aval mitzvah limna mezeh mithalat sha'ah asirit. Even though a person is allowed to have a regular meal,20:22like we said, you usually eat a bagel, a bread, a20:25sandwich. People eat that all the time.20:27It's nothing special,20:28nothing extra.20:29Still, mitzvah that a person from the tenth hour of the20:33day—by the way, the tenth hour begins from the morning,20:35right after netz hachamah, according to those20:38opinions—you start to count the ten hours, and these are20:43sha'ot zmaniyot. And it's really hard to explain in these two minutes exactly how to go through20:48sha'ot zmaniyot every time. You just have to look on the calendar,20:51and whatever they say the time to pray20:53Mincha Ketanah, then about a half an hour afterwards is tenth hour.20:57A person should not have a meal with bread.21:02Why?21:02That's in order to come into the evening with an appetite.21:09However, le'echol v'lishtot v'likboa seudah, eino nimnaat kabalat Shabbat. But to eat without having a seudah, without eating bread,21:13that's not a problem.21:14You want to have some rice, you want to have some meat, some vegetables, salad,21:19all that is mutar min hadin.21:20Mikol makom, even though it's mutar min hadin,21:23hamachmir gam bazeh, tavo alav berachah. A person who's also21:28machmir not to have even these foods, things that are not bread.21:33You should get a beracha. You get a special beracha from the21:35Ben Ish Chai, and all the other poskim that said21:38a person should be machmir in this case.21:40And we mentioned this in the past:21:41you have to come on Friday night with an appetite,21:43and everybody knows himself.21:44Some people get full, you21:45know, okay, so you avoided having bread.21:47You didn't have a problem about the— you didn't have the problem with the halacha of the21:54hachamim, but you got to be careful.21:55Sometimes you stuff— people come home from work,21:57and I really understand,21:58you know, they're working the whole day.22:00It's a very hard day,22:01especially sometimes with the weather.22:02Like imagine weather like today:22:03snowy and rainy and sleet,22:05and you're working outdoors,22:06and you're standing up your whole day,22:08and you had a very light breakfast.22:10You didn't have any lunch.22:11You got stuck in traffic.22:12You come home, you're exhausted,22:13you showered,22:14and you're all much more tired from the hot water,22:17and you just want to have a little bit of food,22:18you know, for energy22:19just to go to shul.22:20That's understandable,22:22and especially if it's a special circumstance.22:24But sometimes a person could get carried away,22:27and what he thinks he needs a little bit for energy,22:31he takes a little bit more.22:33And what happens is22:34that by the time he gets to shul,22:35he's already very full,22:36and he comes back Friday night,22:38he can barely sip the grape juice or wine22:40because already he can't eat anymore.22:42And when it comes to bread,22:43he can't eat the22:44kezayit, he can't eat the kebeitzah sometimes.22:45So a person, again,22:47has to know himself,22:49has to know how much he can handle.22:50The purpose and the point of all this halachot22:53is that a person has to prepare himself for Shabbat,22:57whether through22:58melachah, not to do22:59melachah, or not to eat anything23:02so he can have the true oneg on Shabbat.23:04Now, on this point,23:07there's no halacha for the following23:08I'm about to tell you,23:10but a chashuv avreich told me to say this,23:13that I should point this out,23:14and he's very, very right.23:16And in fact,23:17I tried to do this myself,23:19and I recommend that everybody should do it for themselves.23:21Since we're talking about preparing yourself for Shabbat,23:24unfortunately what happens is23:26that Friday night,23:27you know,23:29our lives are much busier than once upon a time.23:31I know once upon a time,23:32I used to23:33be—we're already forgetting how the world was,23:35you know—but it used to be not as busy as we have.23:38And by the time we come home23:39sometimes Friday night,23:40we're exhausted,23:41we're tired,23:42and the only people in the whole house that have energy23:45are the kids, the children,23:47who look forward to Shabbat.23:48They can all sit on the Shabbat table.23:50The whole family sits and eats together.23:52It's not a half-an-hour meal;23:54it's a prolonged meal,23:56and everybody has the sheets from there,23:58no matter what age they have,23:59they have something that they—24:00Learned in school that they want to share.24:02Usually when they're very young, they're very excited to share.24:04At a certain age, when they get older,24:05sometimes they get very disappointed.24:07They see, you know what, nobody cares about my homework sheet,24:09nobody cares what I learned in school,24:11and sometimes they fall out of it.24:12But when they're still young, they're all excited.24:14They want to hear. They want to say24:15some divrei Torah. They want to say some things on the table.24:20As we learn Parashat Vayera from the Ben Ish Chai, they want a participation in the family.24:23But unfortunately,24:24the father,24:25you know, which is again very understandable,24:27he works very, very hard,24:29and the whole week piles up.24:32You know, lack of sleep24:33is one of the biggest problems.24:34I remember once going to a doctor,24:36and he said, You need to sleep a little more.24:38I said, Okay, how much do I need to sleep?24:40He says, Ideally, you should sleep between six to eight hours,24:43but I don't know who gets, you know,24:45even six hours, six to eight hours every day.24:47So what happens is24:48there's something called sleep debt,24:50and that is you're in debt.24:53Your body has to sleep a certain amount,24:54and if you don't sleep every night24:56the same amount,24:58then that collects over and eventually you just collapse.25:01And usually when you sit down25:03to relax, all of a sudden25:04all the sleep that you neglected25:06from your body throughout the whole week25:08attacks you right away,25:09and that happens on Friday night when you're fresh25:12and you're clean and you come back from shul25:14and you sit down to eat and you're having another heavy meal,25:17and all of a sudden, boom,25:18the person collapses and the kids are very disappointed25:21because, you know, we're looking forward for the Shabbat25:22and then we didn't get anything.25:25You know, the truth is,25:26even when we sleep throughout the whole meal,25:29we miss the main purpose,25:31the main oneg of Shabbat.25:32So as a recommendation,25:35although poskim, maybe I didn't see this brought down,25:37I don't think I saw it brought down,25:38but I'm sure somebody eventually will start bringing it down25:40in the new books that come out in25:42halacha, and that is that we have to be25:45makpid on preparing ourselves25:46with energy for Shabbat25:49Kodesh. How do we do that?25:49By getting a little bit of a nap25:52on Erev Shabbat,25:53half an hour, an hour, whatever it is,25:56and it has to be designated.25:57You have to make time for this.25:59If a person doesn't make time for Shabbat26:02Kodesh to prepare himself for whatever he needs,26:04whether to get his stuff ready,26:06to buy the things for Shabbat,26:08the things for the26:09seudah, to take a nap, you have to make time.26:11It's not just going to happen.26:12You ever notice Friday gets very busy?26:14No matter how early you26:15prepare, something comes up and you're always rushing26:17the last second. It's not only you;26:19it's everybody, everybody.26:21And who are the only ones that come early?26:23You know, people who come early to shul,26:25you know, people who are very well prepared?26:26Those are people that set a time.26:28My chavruta told me something amazing.26:30He's taking a teaching course,26:32and he's taking a teaching course26:34where one of the teachers over there26:38told them that26:39you need to learn time management.26:41And as an26:42example, I'm going to share with you26:44a beautiful story and just how it all26:46fit together. I think it's a very nice lesson26:48for everybody to hear.26:50So he brought a story26:52of a person, you know, for example, on Shabbat,26:53you could practice time management on Shabbat, meaning26:55don't just come into Shabbat last second,26:5818 minutes beforehand by candlelighting time.27:01Come in on Shabbat,27:02right, with27:05preparing yourself, meaning to say,27:06you come in, you have to come in27:08a half an hour. Set yourself time that I'm going to come in27:10before a certain amount of time for Shabbat Kodesh.27:13So he brought the following example.27:14One time there was a family27:16that I believe there was an only child,27:18or one of the children was very, very sick27:19in the time of the27:20Chafetz Chaim. So they traveled all the way to27:24Radin to see the27:26Chafetz Chaim, and the Chafetz Chaim at the time was very, very old.27:28And when they got to27:30Radin, they went to see the27:32Chafetz Chaim, and they explained the situation,27:33how their only child is very, very sick.27:36And the27:38Chafetz Chaim thought about it for a second, and then he said,27:40I'm sorry, there's nothing to do.27:45Daven to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and Hashem will help. So they felt that the Chafetz Chaim is not really27:48giving them a proper answer,27:50or he doesn't want to give a berachah, you know.27:52And the attendant who usually took care of the27:54Chafetz Chaim knows that when the27:56Chafetz Chaim, how he replies, he knows27:57what the situation is going to be.28:00So therefore, the28:02attendant turned to the Chafetz Chaim and told them,28:04Rebbe, this is their only28:06child. They don't have anybody else.28:09So the Chafetz Chaim said,28:10Oh, yeah?28:12So he turned to them, he told them,28:13Are you ready to accept Shabbat,28:16I think it was ten or twenty minutes earlier28:18than when it comes?28:19And then they said, Yes, of course.28:22If that's going to be the28:23refuah sheleimah of the child, then yes, we're ready to28:26accept Shabbat earlier.28:27So the Chafetz Chaim said, Okay, in that case,28:30I give you a28:32berachah, b'ezrat Hashem, that your child should be healthy and well,28:34and everything should be fine.28:37You can go home now.28:38And miraculously, that's exactly what happened.28:41The child recovered.28:42He felt much better, and he was healthy.28:44He was back to the way he was.28:46That's the story28:48in—I'm cutting out a few details, but that's pretty much the story.28:50Good? So now,28:52what's the pshat of the story? What happened to the28:54Chafetz Chaim that all of a sudden this is what he said?28:57What happened?28:58What changed before and afterwards?29:00So29:02somebody explained.29:04That the pshat of the story29:05is as follows.29:07It says in the pasuk,29:08Veshameru Bnei Yisrael et haShabbat ledorotam. Bnei Yisrael have to guard the Shabbat.29:12The word veshamru means not just to29:14guard the Shabbat.29:16What it means, it means don't be mechalel Shabbat.29:18But perhaps29:19the Chavetz Chaim had a different meaning29:21for the word29:23veshamru. Veshamru, we know from the pasuk by Yosef,29:25Yaakov Avinu says,29:28Ve'aviv shamar et hadavar, that his father kept the29:29matter. What does that mean,29:30shamar et hadavar? It means he was waiting for the time29:33that Yosef dreams are going to29:35become a reality.29:37He knew that Yosef is going to become a king,29:40and when he saw29:42from his dreams29:43that he's going to become a king,29:46veshamar et hadavar, Aviv shamar et hadavar, he guarded,29:48he was waiting for the time that Yosef29:49would become a king. So he felt29:51that the meaning of the word is29:56veshamru Bnei Yisrael et haShabbat ledorotam. If the Jewish people29:57are careful that they anticipate30:00and they wait30:01in anticipation for the coming of Shabbat,30:04it is segulah for30:05dorotam, for their offsprings, for their generations30:07to come. And that's why when they30:09accepted Shabbat earlier,30:11therefore it had an30:13effect on their children, on that couple's30:16child that was able30:18to survive and30:19was able to live and become healthy.30:21That's the story. So now,30:23my chavruta said, after he heard the story,30:25he said, You know, it's a beautiful story.30:28I would like to do it.30:29I don't know, I get rushed, I get late. You know, we all30:31get late on Friday afternoons, but I would like to commit to Shabbat30:33earlier, not just rush into Shabbat,30:35but I want to come and wait for Shabbat to30:37come in. I want to come and wait30:39in shul before Mincha starts,30:41not just to rush in by30:43Mincha. So he wasn't sure to accept it or not. He went30:45and he opened the next day.30:47He went, and I came late that day,30:49so he goes and he picks up an English book,30:51just randomly opens up a30:52page, and the page that he opens up on this book30:54that he never opened up in his life30:57fell at exactly30:58on this story.31:00So he felt, ah,31:03if this has got to be31:05siman min shamayim, I'm got to come in31:06and come into Shabbat and prepare31:09myself earlier.31:10So that's what we say, rabotai: you have to make31:12time. You have to have time management.31:14You have to set out time to come earlier.31:16It's not going to work. You know how I could prove to you31:18that you could get yourself ready any time?31:20Because if you notice,31:22look around in shul. The people who come late31:24on Shabbat and they tell you,31:26Oh, Shabbat is too short, they are the same people31:28in the summer when Shabbat comes in at31:30eight o'clock, they're also rushing in to come to shul. What happened?31:32If you could get yourself ready31:34at four o'clock in the winter,31:36you could get yourself ready at four o'clock in the summer.31:38And if you can't get yourself ready at31:40four o'clock, you can't get yourself ready at seven or31:42eight o'clock because things come up. And the31:44answer is very simple: time management.31:46You have to set time31:48to prepare yourself to come. That's what31:49the hachamim made these gezerot, and that's what we have31:52to do as well. We have to make time31:54to prepare ourselves for Shabbat31:57or for31:59the...32:00This Shabbat, but for everything that we need on Shabbat, whether food or sleep or whatever you need.32:03And with that, we conclude these halachot,32:05and we'll move on to Parashat Vayera. But first, we have a question.32:08That's actually was a comment, really.32:10Yes, somebody commented that he heard from the Divrei Chaim, the32:15Sanzer Rav, that it's so important to sleep Friday afternoon32:19that he doesn't know why it's not an aseret32:22hadibrot. Wow. Okay, I appreciate that comment. Thank you very, very much.32:25Okay, okay, thank you very much.32:30With that, we'll move on.32:32Okay, we'll move on, be'ezrat Hashem, to the next32:37parashah and halachot. There is a halacha, actually, that I see over here that we skipped.32:39One of the halachot that we skipped over here is regarding32:44ta'anit yachid, okay, fasting on Erev Shabbat.32:46In short, very, very quickly, any fast that a person does not have to fast on Friday,32:50he should not accept it on Friday.32:52Why? Because it's kavod Shabbat that you should come into Friday, into Shabbat fasting.32:57The only time we do fast on Friday when it's an obligation,32:59like we just had33:01asarah b'Tevet, we come into Shabbat fasting.33:02According to the Shulchan Aruch,33:03the Maran that we accepted33:07his psakim, sefaradim, if you ever accept upon yourself a fast,33:10it has to be until motzaei Shabbat, until the full day.33:16It doesn't work just to the33:18shkiah. And therefore, even by33:22asarah b'Tevet, which is like this year fell out on Friday,33:25we have to fast all the way into Shabbat,33:28until33:30ליל שבת, and that's the halacha.33:31However, if a person doesn't have to fast on Friday,33:34he's doing it for whatever33:36kaparat avonot or whatever it is,33:37then he should not fast.33:38He should not accept the fast on Friday afternoons.33:41Okay, that concludes33:42Parashat Lech Lecha. We're now moving on to33:45Parashat Vayera. I see there's a phone call.33:46Let me try to figure it out.33:47My technician just walked out.33:49Hold on a second.33:54Hello?34:00Hello? Okay, sorry, we lost that.34:01I'm sorry, I apologize for anybody who's calling34:04that I'm still not exactly an expert34:06on how to pick up the phones,34:08so my technician will come back very, very fast34:10and hopefully now,34:12and we'll be able to call. Call back in five minutes.34:14Let's continue now.34:15Parashat Vayera. Parashat Vayera is almost a new subject,34:19but it's a continuation almost.34:20It talks about the halachot of Kabbalat Shabbat34:22and Oneg Shabbat.34:24Oneg Shabbat, rabotai, is a very important mitzvah.34:26The Ben Ish Chai, as an introduction34:28to this parashah, says a beautiful idea.34:30We know that in every mitzvah that we have,34:32we have these two aspects to every mitzvah.34:34There's that which is external,34:37what we see, the revealed,34:38and that which is hidden,34:40like similar to everything that we have in the world.34:42There's a guf, there's a body,34:44the chitzoniyut, and there's also the neshama, the spiritual.34:47By Shabbat also, the Ben Ish Chai explains34:49that there's two aspects also to Shabbat.34:51There's the physical34:52and there is the spiritual.34:54When it comes to the mitzvah of Oneg Shabbat,34:57as we know,34:58we said this a while ago,35:00V'karata laShabbat Oneg. You must have35:02oneg, you must have pleasure on Shabbat.35:04In Oneg Shabbat also there are two parts,35:06there's two aspects.35:07There's the physical pleasure,35:09which comes through... Eating, drinking,35:14laor, for example,35:16refraining from35:17melacha when you're not obligated to do any hard labor on Shabbat35:21or any of the35:22melachot, that's also a form of pleasure.35:23Although it's not active, it's passive,35:25but it's still a form of pleasure.35:26And there's also the spiritual pleasure,35:29which we don't necessarily feel physically.35:32You know, that's not, that's not gonna—you're not gonna feel it,35:34but people are a little bit more sensitive to the35:37neshama understand that that comes from the Talmud Torah,35:40the spiritual lights that shine in the world of Shabbat.35:42If you read the Zohar that talks about Shabbat at length,35:45the Parashat Yitro,35:46and other places throughout the Zohar scattered,35:48you see how he speaks about all the different35:50yichudim. A lot of them are very complicated to understand even,35:53but the same idea. He explains35:55about all the different pleasures35:57that take place in the spiritual realm35:59on Shabbat Kodesh.36:00These are also part of the Shabbat.36:02There's the spiritual,36:03which what we just said,36:04part of the36:05neshama, and there's the physical.36:06So says the36:07Ben Ish Chai, that corresponds to36:09the bo'i kallah. Lecha Shabbat,36:10we accept Shabbat by saying36:12bo'i kallah. Halacha, we can learn later on36:14that the halacha says in Shulchan36:17Aruch—before Shulchan Aruch, actually,36:18in the36:19Rishonim—seems like the Kabbalat Shabbat36:20is when you say,36:21when you're praying Friday night in shul36:22and you say36:23Bar'chu et Hashem36:25hamevorach. That's when a person accepts Shabbat,36:26as we explained in the past.36:28When you say36:28Bar'chu et Hashem36:29hamevorach, you must accept Shabbat.36:30You have no choice.36:31You cannot say,36:32I don't want to accept Shabbat.36:33You must accept Shabbat at that time.36:35Although it's debatable,36:36but that's the ruling of the36:38Chacham Ovadia. Bar'chu et Hashem36:39hamevorach, a person must accept Shabbat.36:42The Shulchan Aruch writes36:45that Mizmor36:46shir l'yom haShabbat—when we say Mizmor shir l'yom haShabbat in shul,36:48before Bar'chu et Hashem36:50hamevorach, we already accept the Shabbat.36:51The Arizal goes a little further.36:52The Arizal says36:53that when you say36:55bo'i kallah, which is at the conclusion36:56of Lecha Dodi,36:57you accepted Shabbat already.37:00Why?37:00Because you're inviting in the Shabbat bride.37:03And therefore,37:04says the Ben37:05Ish Chai, this is why we say37:06Boi Kallah three times.37:08It's corresponding to the three parts of the Shabbat,37:11the three different pleasures on Shabbat.37:12We explained that there's two parts,37:14two pleasures in the physical aspect of Shabbat,37:17and there's one in the spiritual.37:20We say37:23Boi Kallah, Boi Kallah, out loud,37:24and now37:24Boi Kallah is supposed to say the third time37:26Boi Kallah in a low tone,37:28a whisper,37:30Boi Kallah. So that third time37:32corresponds to the spiritual,37:33which is not seen.37:34That's why we say in a37:35whisper. And the other two times,37:37when we're saying it out loud,37:38that corresponds37:41to the two parts of the physical pleasures37:44that come on Shabbat Kodesh37:46through eating and drinking37:47and through refraining from37:49melacha. Another explanation that the Ben Ish Chai explains37:51when it comes to37:53Boi Kallah, he says,37:54why do we say Boi Kallah three times?37:57Also for another reason.37:58We learned already in38:00Parashat Lech Lecha that was just concluded,38:01that when a person is preparing himself for Shabbat Kodesh,38:04he has to prepare himself in three areas.38:09In action,38:10like we just learned,38:11you have to refrain from38:13melacha. You can't do any work.38:15In also, you have to prepare for the38:17seudah and everything else.38:18In reading,38:20we said38:20a person has to read Shnayim Mikra,38:23Chok LeYisrael. That's how you prepare yourself38:24on Shabbat Kodesh in reading.38:25And38:26the third way to prepare yourself on Shabbat38:28is through38:29machshava, that38:30your thoughts, like we explained last week,38:32from Wednesday,38:32from today already,38:33you have to prepare for Shabbat38:35to receive the extra parts of the38:37neshama, the38:38neshama, the ruach,38:39and the nefesh38:40on Shabbat Kodesh.38:41So therefore,38:42we say also Boi Kallah three times38:44for the same reason.38:45Twice we say out loud38:46correspond to the two parts of preparing yourself for Shabbat,38:49which are revealed,38:50which is action38:52and speech.38:52And one time we say38:54Boi Kallah in a low tone,38:55in a whisper,38:57corresponding to preparing ourselves to accept39:00Shabbat39:02b'machshava. I see a phone call.39:03I apologize again,39:04he didn't come back.39:05Try again in five more minutes.39:06I'm sorry again,39:08mechilah. Let's continue now.39:09We now move on39:11to39:13Halacha Aleph. Many sefarim says in39:14Halacha Aleph, it's a huge39:16halacha. We're not going to read everything.39:17I'm just going to read the first few lines39:19and then jump into the next part.39:20So he says like this:39:26Lefi daat Rabbeinu Harizal, צריך לומר בקבלת שבת שני פעמים בואי כלה בקול רם ופעם אחת בלחש. You have to say twice39:28aloud, like we just mentioned,39:28and one time in a whisper.39:30And then he says that the word39:33bo'i is the same39:34gematria, numerical value, as 13.39:36And what is 13?39:3813 is the same gematria as39:41ahavah, which is love.39:42And therefore,39:43when you come into Shabbat Kodesh,39:45you have to come in with that attitude.39:47It has to be an attitude of love.39:48You have to be very loving.39:50You have to avoid all confrontation39:52and all39:53anger and all fighting,39:56like we saw.39:57I don't know if we mentioned in the past or not,39:59the Zohar says.40:00The command that we find in the Torah about not desecrating Shabbat, it says in the Torah, when you learn, I believe in Parashat Vayakhel, it says over there,40:13Lo teva'aru esh b'chol moshvoteichem. Do not burn fire, do not put on fire in all your dwellings on Yom Shabbat.40:19Says the Zohar, this fire that we're talking about over here corresponds not to just the physical fire, that's, okay, that's asur. It says the Zohar over here that's referring to anger.40:32You see, when a person gets angry, it's like he's put on fire. Always fire is represented with anger through the Zohar and the Gemara.40:39So therefore, you're not allowed to get angry on Shabbat. It's forbidden to get angry on Shabbat,40:43and the Zohar actually, in today's Chok Yisrael and yesterday, speaks about how horrible it is when a person gets angry, his neshama leaves him, ruach ra comes on him.40:52According to some opinions, that ruach ra never leaves him. It's very, very scary unless the person really works hard to get rid of it.40:58Getting angry is forbidden, and even on Shabbat it's even much worse. The Zohar says that's what the Torah commanded you: do not get angry on Shabbat.41:05So I want to read you what the Ben Ish Chai over here brings from the Chida. He quotes it word for word, and I'm going to read you the same thing.41:12And this is very important. Please men listen to this, and if the wives are listening and their men are not listening, it's good to let them hear this.41:20This Ben Ish Chai is in the middle of Halacha Aleph in Parashat Vayera. He brings something from the Chida. He says like this:41:27Ka'alot hamincha b'Erev Shabbat Kodesh. You should know, when the time of Mincha comes on Erev Shabbat Kodesh, which is about, let's say, three hours before sunset,41:38hineh hu et mesukan l'machloket bein ish l'ishto uvein hamesharetim. This is the most dangerous time for a machloket, for a fight to begin between a husband and wife and all the servants in the house.41:48V'hastra'ah haraah torah tarbeh l'hahirim. You know what he's saying? There's the sitra achra, this is the evil side, the demons are trying very, very hard right now to instigate a fight.41:59Therefore, a person who's scared has to make sure to overcome his temptation, overcome his yetzer hara, not to start up any fight.42:11And not just not to start up a fight. A lot of times, you'll know, you'll bite your tongue, you bite your lip, you bite whatever it is.42:17You're going to hold back, you're not going to fight, but inside of you it's going to bother you. Can't believe this.42:22You believe? I told my wife to prepare for me this. I told her to prepare my suit. What's the big deal?42:26All I told was to take out the black suit and, you know, just prepare it for me. I'm going to wear it.42:30I come home, that's not even ready, a small thing. The house is not in order. I asked her for this. I pay for her maid, and I do this, and she still doesn't do this for me.42:39Oh, I'm a good man, I'm not going to fight, but you're going to remember it. That's called42:44hakpadah. Even then, you have to keep in mind, says over here the Ben Ish Chai, the Chida, why?42:48Who's doing this? The sitra achra. The Satan is coming and making problems in the house. He wants to start a fight.42:55Why? He knows the Torah as well as we do. He might even know better.42:58He knows, Do not put on a fight, do not make a fight. He knows what to do.43:04He wants to start up a fight. He wants to make a fight on anything.43:07And therefore, says the Ben Ish Chai the following. He says,43:14Any person who starts and makes a fight with his wife, or his children, or his servants on Friday,43:24suddenly nobody starts a fight if he doesn't think he's right. Everybody believes that they're right.43:33And therefore, he's doing it l'shem shamayim. He wants to be mechanech them. He wants to educate them. It's not for his own kavod. He wants to make sure that they're all ready for Shabbat.43:45אך באמת, however, says Ben Ish Chai, in truth,43:50מי שיש לו מוח בקדקדו, if you have a brain in your skull, if you have a brain in your43:55head, בינה יבין שאם יצא איזה מכשול מתחת ידן, you should understand and know, if there is any problem that was caused because of your children or your wife,44:06איננו נעשה מאיתם. It's not their fault.44:11ואין זה מעשה ידיהם, it's not their actions,44:13אלא הוא מעשה שטן. This is all done by the Satan,44:18כדי לחרחר ריב ומדון בעתהי, in order to start up a fight at that time.44:21Why is in the house in order,44:24and your wife will swear to you that just two seconds ago, right before you walked in, the house was in order.44:29I don't know what just happened. The whole house went upside down.44:32And he says, you have to know,44:36ואם השטן עושה נגד האשה ומשריד ומכשילה בענין הבית, what do you expect the wife to do? What do you expect your children to do?44:39If you have the Satan fighting them,44:43לעשות דבר שאינו מתוקן לבעל הבית. He wants to get you. He wants you to start up a fight.44:48מה כוחם לדחות מעשי שטן? What power do your wife and kids have to be able to fight the Satan?44:54He has a special mission.44:55He has all his soldiers coming on Friday afternoon to every single house to make sure that you get upset.45:04That's his45:05tafkid. If you get upset, he won.45:07Even though you corrected them and you educate them, it doesn't make a difference.45:11The fact that you got upset and he made a45:13fight, and especially if you held on to the fight,45:16you know, a lot of times out of anger45:17and things, words are thrown,45:19and you don't forget those words, unfortunately.45:22So therefore he's telling you, if these things are said45:25and you remember them, you created a fight, he won.45:27You lost.45:29Therefore, what do you expect your wife to do?45:31מי זה יאמר יכולתי ונצחתי? Who's able to say, I defeated the45:35yetzer hara, על כן כל איש מבין, says Ben Ish Chai. Therefore, every person who understands,45:37כשיראה איזה מכשול וחסרון בעניינים של הבית, when you see any problems or anything that was not done according to your commands,45:51לא ישים אשמה על אשתו ומשרתיו לריב איתם. Do not blame your wife. Do not blame your children. Do not blame your servants to fight with them,45:59וייתן לבו את עצת השטן שכתבנו, כי אמת היא. Keep in mind what we just said, because what we said is true.46:05Then bite your lip.46:07Don't say anything.46:08Don't fight, and don't even feel angry inside.46:11And if you do so,46:14then it's very good for you in this world and world to come.46:16It's good for you in this world: you avoided blood pressure,46:18you avoided a stroke, you avoided all the problems,46:21you avoided a fight with your wife and your kids,46:23you avoided some very not nice comments that could be thrown from each side.46:27And of course, the olam haba, how good it is.46:28A person doesn't get angry, and you have your neshama with you, like the Zohar says.46:34It's very, very important to keep this in mind, both ladies and gentlemen.46:37Sometimes you get upset at your kids.46:38Kids, you ever notice, they have a tendency on Friday afternoon,46:42especially get into the shower. Come on, everybody's trying to take a shower46:44and they don't want to jump in, and even when they're younger,46:46and when they're older, they're not getting ready.46:48You have to tell them, of course, b'derach chinam, you have to tell them to get ready,46:51but you have to make sure that you should do it very, very calmly.46:54It says, my brother-in-law, Rabbi46:57Yitzchak Abaye, you can find him on the website, he has a few shiurim. He says a very nice thing.47:00He says, you know, it says,47:04Soach dvarim tzarich adam lomar b'toch beito erev Shabbat. On Friday afternoon, you as the leader of the house, the father of the household,47:08you have to tell everybody in the family three things:47:15hidlakten ha-ner, madliku ta-ner. Make sure you take off ma'aser, make sure you make eruv,47:18and make sure you light the candles,47:19which means, and that's brought down in47:22halacha, that you are like the mashgiach, the father is like the mashgiach of the house.47:25He has to make sure everything is in order, everything is prepared for Shabbat Kodesh.47:28So he says, my brother-in-law says,47:30why does it say,47:33Chayav adam lomar b'toch beito? A person has to say inside of his house.47:35What, you think that I have an obligation to go and say in everybody else's house?47:38Of course I have to say it in my house.47:40He says, because sometimes there's two ways of saying things.47:43When you're telling other people, you could tell other people off by yelling.47:47And that's not b'toch beto, your neighbors could hear,47:50and the people in the street could hear you yelling,47:52Why aren't you getting ready?47:53And then there's b'toch beto, which means47:56to say b'nachat, as Rashi says,47:58you have to say it b'nachat, you have to say it very calmly.48:00Yeah, you have to tell them. But keep in mind that although they might not get ready, although something always comes up Friday afternoon,48:06it's not their fault, and you really have to keep that in mind. And it's very hard. And you're going to watch this Friday,48:11you're going to forget it because the Satan wants you to forget it. But you have to keep in48:15mind it's the Satan making all these problems.48:17The worst thing you can do is make a fight about it.48:19If it bothers you, then go fix it. If things are not ready, go prepare them. Don't make a fight about it.48:24Don't get angry about it.48:26Don't hold a grudge. Forget it and let it loose, and you'll see you'll have a different Shabbat. As the Gemara says,48:31when the malach, when the person comes into his house, two angels accompany him. If they see the house is prepared,48:37they say, Berachah, blessing, that yehi ratzon this should be like this for the next week.48:42If they see everything is upside down,48:44they can say, Yehi ratzon, this also should take place the next week. If they see you getting angry,48:48trust me,48:49they're saying, Yehi ratzon, the malach ra, the evil angel, saying, Yehi ratzon that this fight should continue to the next week.48:56Therefore, if you have a habit, drop it.48:59You don't need to do hatarat nedarim for getting angry or fight every week. Drop it. Forget about it, and49:04understand that the problems that come up all of a sudden on Friday afternoons are49:09ma'aseh Satan, and you just laugh at him and you go on and you do what you have to do.49:14Come into Shabbat with a smile.49:15You'll see you'll have a different Shabbat. Your family will have a different Shabbat. And as the Ben Ish Hai promises,49:19Tov lo ba'olam hazeh, v'tov lo la'olam haba as49:24well. Halacha49:27bet. Halacha49:28bet, Ben Ish Hai talks about how a person should49:32accept Shabbat. Now, most of these halachot from now, bet, gimel, dalet,49:37will apply pretty much to men who go to shul. It's very49:42uncommon that women go to shul on Friday nights. So most of these halachot will apply49:48specifically to the men who go to shul on Friday nights,49:50how they should prepare themselves in order to receive the neshama or to receive the different parts of Shabbat kodesh.49:56So Kabbalat Shabbat, says the Ben49:59Ish Hai, Seder Kabbalat Shabbat kefi divrei Rabbeinu Arizal hu50:02kach. The way, the order of accepting Shabbat,50:06according to the Arizal, is as follows.50:11According to the Arizal, the best thing that a person could do is50:15to be mekabel Shabbat in the field, outdoors.50:18So in Brooklyn, the most you get, you know, the most common, the most similar thing you get to a field is the50:24trees on Ocean Parkway. You're not getting more than that. There's a few trees on Ocean Parkway, and that's it,50:28and you're lucky with that, say Baruch Hashem. Otherwise, we don't have any fields by us,50:33so we don't have this option.50:39The next option is a shul. If you have a shul, if you have a minyan, if your shul could do it,50:44it's not an obligation, but according to the Arizal, it's to be able to accept Shabbat, to be mekabel Shabbat outdoors in a place50:51that's uncovered.50:52And regardless, even if you can't do it outdoors, let's say it's winter or,50:57you know, it's just not a place. You go to Israel, it's much more common.51:00They do it outdoors. A lot of people, especially in Tzfat, because of the Arizal, they go outdoors. So if you could do it,51:05that's fine, that's wonderful. But if you can't do it, this is the way a person has to do it.51:09A person should face west.51:15Most of the shuls here in our neighborhoods, in America really, face east because that's where Eretz Yisrael is.51:21If you look at the map, America is on the west and51:24Israel is on the east, and that's where we have to be facing51:28Eretz Yisrael. So therefore, most of our shuls will be, most of them, not 100% of them, sometimes technical errors. In any case, we face51:36the east when we pray the Amidah, we face the east, and that's really the front of the shul.51:41So according to the Arizal, you're supposed to face the west when you mekabel Shabbat.51:46Why is that so? Because when you mekabel Shabbat, you're supposed to get it from where Shabbat comes in.51:52The sun rises in the east and it sets in the west.51:56So being that the Shabbat is coming in really from the west, because that's where the sun is setting,52:00so we turn towards the west and we prepare ourselves to receive Shabbat.52:05And like we said beforehand, Shabbat is like a bride.52:09You have a go to a chuppah and you see how the chatan first comes in. He waits under the chuppah, and52:15then the kallah, the bride, walks in. And after the bride walks halfway, the parents of the bride52:22walk away, and then the52:25chatan comes in and he walks together with his kallah and he brings her inside.52:29Shabbat is the kallah, is the bride. We, all of us, men and women, are52:35the Jewish people, we are the chatan, and we have to bring in Shabbat.52:38So we have to face the west where Shabbat is coming from. And there,52:42when Shabbat comes in, after it comes in, after we say Bo'i kallah, Bo'i kallah, and it comes in, then we turn around52:48and we walk in. It's like as if we're walking into the chuppah. And therefore it says,52:52how do you prepare yourself? First of all, stand facing the west. I'm going to just read it outside.52:58Close your eyes if you can, and then put your53:01left hand over your chest,53:05put your right hand over your left hand, and53:09then have in mind as if you're standing in front of the King, in front of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and53:13start saying the mizmor leDavid, Havu LaHashem bnei elim,53:17Havu LaHashem, and with this tune, everybody has their own tunes, Sefardi, Ashkenazi, and then afterwards53:23you say the Lecha Dodi. At the53:25end of Lecha Dodi, you say Bo'i kallah, Bo'i kallah, and the third time again53:29you say Bo'i kallah Shabbat Malketa, like we said, you say it in silence, and then you say Mizmor shir l'yom haShabbat and Hashem53:35malach ge'ut lavesh. That's the order of Kabbalat Shabbat. If you could do this.53:39With closing your eyes if you know the words by heart, or everybody's singing, you could sing along with them, it's fine,53:45it's beautiful, it's wonderful. If you cannot do it53:49because53:50you cannot close your eyes, that means, because you don't know the words, you need to look in the53:53siddur, that's not a problem either. You could look in the siddur. But preferably, if you could close your eyes,53:58he says, al pi sod, there's a big, big54:01ענין for a person to close his eyes during Kabbalat Shabbat and to open them only at the end when he's already mekabel Shabbat.54:07It's a very, very big al pi sod. And we mentioned over here is to face the back of the shul.54:12Certain shuls, Baruch Hashem, they have a beautiful minhag where the whole kahal faces the back,54:15and that's really the best way to do, according to the Arizal, to stand and face the back.54:19Some shuls, what they do is they stand up for Lecha Dodi, and54:22this is Sephardi shuls, they stand up for Lecha Dodi, and only towards the end, when it comes to the end of54:27Lecha Dodi, they mean to say when they come to say54:31Bo'i Kallah, they'll turn around to the west and then they'll say54:35Bo'i Kallah, Bo'i Kallah, and then turn back around. The Ashkenazim, what I've seen by the Ashkenazim is that they sit during54:40Lecha Dodi, and only towards the end, when it comes to Bo'i Kallah, they stand up facing the back,54:44which is the west, and then say Bo'i Kallah. In any case, whichever way you54:48noheg, you could continue being noheg that way.54:50But according to the Arizal, if you could say the whole Lecha Dodi and the main part, which is54:55Bo'i Kallah, facing the west, ma tov u'ma na'im, that's the best thing, as the Ben Ish Chai over here brings down. They should be able to say55:02Bo'i Kallah, and not just Bo'i Kallah, but Mizmor leDavid, Havu LaShem bnei elim, also55:06facing the west. If you're in the shul where everybody's facing the front and you're the only one facing the back,55:12especially that the rabbi is facing the front, don't face the back. Don't stick out. As a rule,55:18we try to do things that don't stick out,55:20especially if the rabbi is not facing the back. Sometimes55:23it looks like an insult, unless you got permission from the rabbi specifically and you told the rabbi, Is it okay55:28that I face the back? and you see the rabbi says it very comfortably, Yes, you can, no problem, then do it.55:33But otherwise, to go to the shul and you see, sometimes you see in the shul55:37maybe like 40 people facing the front, two, three people are facing the back, looks very weird,55:42and especially...55:43You have to be smart in how to do all these things, not to stick out when you do all these things that look weird to55:48the kahal. And55:51adam, you know, you have to use your own wisdom in doing things and not to draw attention to yourself.55:55We come to the end. We're going to have to stop over here, and55:58we want to thank everybody for listening.56:00And if you have any comments or any questions, I'll be here in the station for the next 10-15 minutes.56:04If you have any questions, I'll be here to answer the phones,56:06and hopefully this way it won't be on the air, but be'ezrat Hashem,56:09hopefully we'll answer any questions or any texts that you sent in.56:13The numbers are56:15718-683-5858. If you want to text in,56:19347-927-8398. Until then, have a wonderful week and Shabbat Shalom.